Hold onto your hats, folks—Washington, D.C.'s crime stats have been cooked, and the U.S. Attorney is calling it out.
According to the Washington Examiner, the Metropolitan Police Department (MPD) has been caught misclassifying crime reports to paint a rosier picture of safety in the nation's capital, though U.S. Attorney Jeanine Pirro has decided against pressing criminal charges despite a damning investigation.
This saga kicked off in August 2025, when Pirro's office launched a probe into MPD’s questionable crime reporting practices.
After reviewing nearly 6,000 reports and speaking with over 50 witnesses, investigators confirmed a troubling pattern of misclassified incidents that made crime numbers appear lower than reality.
Pirro didn’t mince words about the findings, declaring, “In August 2025, the United States Attorney’s Office in DC began an investigation into MPD’s reported deflation of crime statistics.”
She added, “The need for accurate information to fight crime is essential. After a review of almost 6000 reports and the interview of over 50 witnesses, it is evident that a significant number of reports had been misclassified, making crime appear artificially lower than it was.” Well, that’s a polite way to say someone’s been playing fast and loose with the truth, isn’t it?
Adding fuel to the fire, a House Oversight Committee interim report slammed MPD Chief Pamela Smith for fostering a “toxic management culture” and manipulating data, based on interviews with eight commanders.
That report was apparently the last straw, as Chief Smith announced her resignation last week, effective December 31, 2025.
Let’s not pretend this is just a clerical error—when crime stats are fudged, it erodes trust in the very institutions meant to protect us, and that’s a problem no amount of progressive spin can fix.
On Monday afternoon, Pirro wrapped up the investigation, stating that while the misconduct was clear, it didn’t meet the threshold for criminal charges. Her office stayed mum when pressed by the Washington Examiner for further comment on the no-charge decision, leaving some to wonder if justice is being sidestepped.
Still, Pirro tied the issue to broader efforts, noting President Donald Trump’s push to curb crime in D.C., including federalizing MPD and deploying the National Guard in August 2025—moves that suggest a no-nonsense approach to a city long plagued by safety concerns.
Meanwhile, Mayor Muriel Bowser, who isn’t seeking reelection, came out swinging in defense of Chief Smith with a statement on Sunday, seemingly brushing off the Oversight Committee’s findings.
Bowser praised the MPD’s reported 29% drop in violent crime and 17% decrease in total crime for 2025 compared to the prior year, though one has to question how much of that “success” is tied to the very data manipulation under scrutiny.
She also took a jab at the committee in a letter, calling their report a politically driven rush to judgment, as noted by Fox News and the Washington Post—a classic move to deflect from accountability, though it’s hard not to sympathize with the rank-and-file officers caught in this mess.